Saturday, February 6, 2010

Cruisin' Down The Street On A MerShaq Back!

Tonight, the Knicks lost to the Cavaliers 113-106. There were only three times this season LeBron James totaled more than the 44 minutes he did against the Knicks at home, and he took 31 shots (For his 31st bday lol) and made 17 of them, 4 of which were three pointers during the two-minute warning of the first half.
Does anyone remember the years when LeBron James would score 80 points on the Knicks and there wouldn't be a deluge of "LeBron James shows his potential future team what they could be getting!" and "LeBron James proves that he obviously does not want to come to New York this summer"? Does anyone remember when there wasn't such a motherfucking hoopla over what someone chose to do, and there wasn't nine-layer scrutiny over a decision that isn't coming for six months? I wish the Knicks would get shitted on by the best athlete on the planet to the tune of 47, 8, 8 and 5 steals and not be force-fed Cleveland's cock. The city sucks ass from what I hear, and everyone in the state is so proud of LeBron James that they get defensive to the point of hockey parents when his freedom comes up. It may be the most backward sports-related phenomenon in history.

Clevelander: "Hello, I'm from Akron, Ohio. I have lived here since I was born, and I consider myself a big Cleveland Cavaliers fan. I would have to say my favorite athlete is LeBron James. What he's done for this city has been absolutely huge, considering our other sports franchises aren't very good and he has the Cavs playing the best basketball in the NBA. I'm really excited for the LeBron James era to continue next season, after he re-signs with the Cavs."
Logician: "What if he doesn't resign with the Cavaliers this summer? What if he wants to make more money in a larger city, where he'll get more exposure?"
Clevelander: "I don't think you understand; LeBron James is resigning with the Cavaliers. Are you a mentally handicapped citizen? How could he possibly want to leave what he has in Cleveland? There is literally not one single better situation he could find in any other part of the United States than on the shore of Lake Erie."
Logician: "But Shaquille O'Neal chose to move from Orlando to Los Angeles because he would gain even more notoriety than he already had; and Orlando's in Florida."
Clevelander: "True, but Shaquille O'Neal didn't have a Championship-caliber team when he left."
Logician: "Well, that may be a debatable albeit slightly revisionist opinion, but the fact remains that Shaquille O'Neal signed a contract with another team in the second-largest city in the United States because he was interested in making money, marketing himself and expanding his area of expertise."
Clevelander: "So? Shaq is nothing like LeBron James. The two probably never even talk."
Logician: "Probably."
Clevelander: "And it's not like he's getting any advice on the matter from other people."
Logician: "Equally good point."
Clevelander: "Plus, he's not very good at keeping the secret that he's staying. I mean, he has a really big house right by Cleveland! Why would he build that if he was leaving?!"
Logician: "Another great point. He's been trying for the past 7 years to keep this secret, but his one fatal mistake was buying a house and letting everyone know he's obviously staying. You know, because of a building. After all, he is very lackadaisical about his public image."
Clevelander: "So fuck off, man!"

If you want LeBron James to be a Cavalier next year, it would be contradictory to take everything as a clue. If everything he did was a clue, the majority would indicate that he's leaving. Alas! there is no way to stifle the hype machine or quiet the talking heads. I hope he leaves the Cavaliers and comes to the Knicks, but if he doesn't, I'm not going to lose my shit and hate him forever as I'm sure most Cavs fans would. After all, it's his life. So fuck off, man!

Song of the Day: "Soldier Girl" - The Polyphonic Spree

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